you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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