broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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