I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
