I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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