weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
