My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need to align my fucking chakras
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
