I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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