I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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