the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Randomize
