My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
