Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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