took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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