yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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