So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
