She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
