Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
