Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
