Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The Olympian is in my bed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
