We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
