Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
