so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
