So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
