Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
