I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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