I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
