Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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