I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is Oprah even human
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
