we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
