Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
