I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize