I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
