Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
