we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize