Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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