They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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