My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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