Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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