I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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