halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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