just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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