I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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