i think my tv is drunk
birth control should be required to get into college
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
