You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
