Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize