do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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