I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
