I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
