she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
