You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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