dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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