Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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