she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
