i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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