I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
