I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
