That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
