i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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