so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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