Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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