I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
