is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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