Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Terrible idea I love it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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