Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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