i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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