yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
