Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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