thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
