You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize