Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
