Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize