I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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