I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
