your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
