I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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