dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
