paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
