I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
