i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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