dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize