P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
