I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
