Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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