i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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