i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
