well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
