I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
