Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
