"it" just moved
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize