Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
