i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
