how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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