we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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