My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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