Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
