i used baking grease as lip gloss
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Randomize
