Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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