theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
