I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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