TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
